When I was twelve, my mom told me to stop making self-deprecating jokes about myself. She was tired of hearing the constant negativity, the silly comments that covered a deeper sense of insecurity. What I know now is that when you say something about yourself often enough, you believe it.
How would you consider your relationship with yourself? Would you be friends with someone who treated you the way you treat yourself? If you answered no, it’s most likely, you have low self-esteem.
Self-esteem is how we value and perceive ourselves. It’s not easy or simple to change the way we view our worth, but steps can be taken to raise self-esteem.
Low self-esteem is not uncommon, especially in the 21st century. Social media constantly reminds us that we could be smarter, prettier, thinner, and desirable. We promote a hustler’s culture and preach that unproductivity is an enemy that needs to be eradicated. We do not take into account how we’re human. Complexly human.
We are all different, and thus societal expectations have different impacts on our confidence. Self-esteem does not come from the number of followers we have or validation from a partner. Self-esteem comes from esteemable actions.
Esteemable actions can be anything that builds self-esteem in ourselves. It could be something that makes a physical difference, such as going to the gym, staying consistent with your skincare routine, trying out for a new sport, or getting a few more hours of sleep.
I don’t mean to give the impression that you need to change to love yourself. This is not the case. I build my self-esteem by helping others. Working with a friend who is struggling with their school work or listening when someone needs to get their heavy emotions off their chest
Esteemable actions might include making a change in your mental health. Taking ten minutes every day to reflect on your thoughts and actions. Starting a journal. Expressing your gratitude.
Look for the positive impact you make on others. It’s unlike anything other experience, and it, in effect, changes the way we see ourselves. Often, we cannot see our value until it is reflected onto ourselves.
Positive self-talk is another great way to raise your self-esteem. It is incredibly ingrained in our culture and generation to make ourselves the joke. We call ourselves stupid, incapable, and messy. Repeated behavior leads to habit, meaning this mentality becomes second nature to us, and these everyday interactions bring our mental health and self-confidence down.
Do you remember the last time you complimented yourself? When was the last time you complimented your friends? Why do we find it so much easier to find value in others than in ourselves? It’s because we see others’ esteemable actions before our own. It’s simple by design to see the good in other people and the things they do.
We want to see positive traits in friends, family, and strangers. Our hearts warm when we see others give to the less fortunate. We applaud when that troubled student finally pulls their grades out of their downward spiral.
We want to see the good actions of others but have very little desire to see the good in ourselves. It’s easier to believe we are less than and live in a state of low self-love. Take the time to think about one thing you did today that increased your self-esteem. It does not have to be a huge example or a grand gesture.
It could be as small as catching up with your mom or dad before you dash out the door for school. Any small, repeatable action you take will help you build your self- esteem.
Self-esteem is about appreciating what you bring to the world because there is no other person like you. Esteemable actions will help you remember that you are worthy of your own love.

Love, The Self Love Club