777
My best friend once gave me a gold necklace for my 17th birthday that had three sevens.
I wear that necklace every day.
Seven has always been my lucky number, I’m not sure why. It feels safe. Familiar. Not quite four plus four, a little over three plus three.
When I would have to “pick a number one through ten!” seven never led me astray. Three sevens occupy the last four digits of the phone number, 7770, a number randomly assigned to me by the bored cellular store worker when I got my first phone. I see the grouping of sevens on barcodes, license plates on the highway, in a raffle ticket I pulled at an event, totals at small coffee shops, the amount of one of my paychecks.
A woman once asked me about the necklace and what it meant. She sipped her coffee patiently as I explained that it was an angel number, just like 111, 222, 333, 444, 555, 666, 888, and 999 are angel numbers. Each set has a different meaning. 444 represents protection. 555 represents change. 888 represents balance. 777 represents luck.
“Do you think it brings you luck?” she asked, nodding toward my necklace.
I told her that if I said it did, it wouldn’t anymore.
“Do you believe in angels then?” she inquired, curiosity teeming at the corners of her eyes.
I paused at the time, unsure of how to tell her that I wasn’t sure what I believed in.
I now know what I believe in.
I believe the world is not always fair.
I have traversed most of my life believing the odds were stacked against me. Nothing seemed to go my way. I would sink down into this mindset until it was way over my head, and I was left swimming in murky water. I was down on my luck twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.
Not only was I a pessimist, but I was a worrier. I still am.
Anxiety wracks my brain constantly. It snakes in and out of my consciousness, leaving sour thoughts behind. Something I wish I understood sooner was the fact that when something is out of your control, it is out of your control. I would worry myself sick over something— college admissions for example—for months. The decisions were out of my control, so worrying about it would not magically tip the outcome in my favor.
This is how you get stuck in a future that hasn’t been written yet or in the past where the ink has already dried. That is how I got stuck for so long.
The added stress of high school did not help my circumstances. The constant question of “What are your future plans?” left me believing I should have an intricate plan laid out in my head for each day of my life until it inevitably ends. A strain of what if’s haunted my frantic efforts to try to sort my thoughts out.
What if I don’t get into my dream school? What if I don’t like what I major in? What if I can’t reach my dreams? What if this goes wrong? What if that goes wrong? What if I fail?
Over the course of these last four years, plenty of things have not gone the way I planned in my head. As stressful and discouraging as this was at the time, as I look back, I am realizing that I’m fine. Through all of these doubts and the mental battles, I’m still standing. Things that I thought would hang over me forever have long since dissolved, and I’m fine.
I would spend so much time worrying about the outcome of something. I stressed as if I could alter something completely out of my control by sheer willpower. Instead, I have found that you have to embrace the now and let nature take its course.
So do I believe in angels?
I believe that there is something looking out for us. An energy, a spirit, a soul, a star, the trees, the universe. Whatever it is, it will work its magic. It just takes time. I believe until it does, you have to breathe.
Until it does, we need to make our own pesto and lay out in the sun. We need to buy all our food from the farmer’s market and eat raspberries fresh off the bush. We need to go to more concerts and take a thousand pictures. We need to put sunscreen on every day and chase the sunset at night. We need to rescue another cat and learn from their kind, gentle, and forgiving souls. We need to dive through the sleepy waves of a lake as the sun sets and practice yoga as it rises. We need to admire the little things, like how many shades of green there are outside. I believe we need to make mistakes and walk away with a lesson learned from them. We need to invest in our passions and follow them for miles. I believe good things come to those who work for them. I believe karma will find those who it seeks. I believe our lives are a symphony, and we are the composers trusting the musicians to play it as we wrote it. But, of course, everything is up to interpretation. I believe in embracing the turn of the universe and leaning into it, not against it.
The necklace is still as shiny as it ever was. It’s got into countless tangles with others. I lost it once. I found it again. It has felt the cool peace at the bottom of Lake Michigan. It has embraced the harsh sun of Wisconsin summers. It has felt the hot, anxious tears of a mind that never sleeps and embraces the cool happy ones when it finally does. It has fought for air between the waves; it has carried the burden, it has lost its way and found safety again.
Just as I have. Just like you can.
It is a reminder that if I feel alone at any point in the race to the end, something is watching out for me.
It reminds me that things will work out in the end.
You’ll be okay.
