Hey, U Up?
(Dating in a Digital Era)
Introduction
Many don’t realize the danger of social media. An innocent friend request from a stranger is not always so innocent and navigating social media with complete trust is dangerous. In recent years, middle schoolers and some underclassmen are accepting friend requests from strangers, exchanging information with the person; they tell their age, name, school, and sometimes where they live. It makes them feel more “grown up,” by dating someone when they haven’t found that in their everyday life. Sometimes they even date this online person they’ve NEVER MET. Weirdly, the mentality about dating is that it can’t be with someone in a different grade within the safety of our school, that’s taboo, but it is accepted that we can fish for dates with strangers. SnapChat is the biggest offender with the strangers already knowing their name and birthday. Most people also let their location be seen by all, so strangers only need an accepted friend request to know where you live and your schedule of everyday life. This has an element of danger and this story is covering the evolving style of dating. It has jumped from the halls of high school to the unknown online “two man.”
Basic Information & History
There’s no one way to online date. Whether you’ve found your special someone over social media, a video game, a dating app, or some other network over the internet, the new epidemic of digital dating has rapidly changed the face of romance.
In a way, online dating began way back in the late 1950s. The first notable instance of technology (computers, specifically) aiding in matchmaking was through the Happy Family Planning Service composed by two Stanford students for a math class. The survey analyzed just shy of fifty men and fifty women and used a computer program to evaluate potential compatibility. On technicality, this isn’t online dating, since the limitations of technology back then only encouraged in-person activity based on the results of the code, but programs like those in the Happy Family Planning Service paved the way for the presence of computers, algorithms and non-face-to-face interactions in romance.
Since then, technology has opened the door for many more ways for people to meet potential lovers, whether it’s over a video game with a messaging system, a dating app tailored for those desiring easy connection, or another website where someone catches another person’s eye.
There’s many reasons people choose to online date, and can range from a greater pool of candidates, easier stability due to physical insecurities, similar hobbies on various services and games, and much more.
Yuli Sanabria Aponte, a senior at Stoughton High School who currently has a partner they met online who lives within driving distance, shares their reasons for turning to the internet for love.
“For me, it’s very hard to find someone face-to-face because I have a lot of insecurities,” Sanabria Aponte said. “[But] I think I prefer a little of both [online and face-to-face dating]. If they’re very far away, then that causes a problem [for me].”
Many online daters concur, with too far of a distance oftentimes creating an issue within the relationship. Whether it’s a few states away, countries, or even continents, the distance created due to how widespread internet access can cause rifts in the dynamic. Some of these rifts include the lack of things to do together, a lack of trust in what the other person is doing, or difficulty being able to see each other, since long-haul drives or international flights require a lot of money and planning. This is why it remains easier to date in-person for most people.
Sanabria Aponte is still able to visit their current partner despite the fact that the two met over an app called Yubo. Frequently, those who online date opt for more hybrid dynamics like Sanabria Aponte’s. This is where services that use proximity, such as dating apps, come in.
Dating Apps & Games
According to a Stanford study, within the United States of America, online dating (whether that’s long-distance or through popular dating apps) has become the most popular means of finding that special someone.
There’s many dating apps for people of adult age to try, including the popular site Tinder, alongside others such as Bumble, Hinge or Plenty of Fish. Most are familiar with the setup of an app like Tinder—swipe right if you’re interested, and left if you’re not. The simple design makes finding a wide variety of people easier than ever, and not much thought needs to be put in between looking at their pictures and descriptions. This makes dating apps all the more efficient.
Apps such as Christian Mingle, Black People Meet, Her and Grindr tend to market themselves towards other demographics as well, primarily providing a network for Christian, Black, Lesbian and Gay individuals to meet up respectively. There’s become an abundance of ways for any person to find love online.
However, many risks have come up alongside the rise of dating apps and online dating.
Catphishing, or pretending to be somebody else (or using heavily modified photos to evoke a false perspective) has become more common. There are countless stories of catphishers building up online relationships, then the relationship falling down later due to the breach of trust and deception involved.
Many people within dating apps also only find themselves looking for short-term fun: hookups. With these hookups, it becomes increasingly easy to spread Sexually-Transmitted Diseases (STDs) or cheat on partners because of the ease of access to sex.
Dating apps can bring a lot of success for users, given that many couples in the modern day are built on an online platform, but it takes great caution and trust between both parties to ensure that it works out.
If not opting for a dating app with a real person on the other side, some have begun using dating games and roleplay-like services to simulate dating real people or even fictional characters.
Games like Character.AI, Pico Sim Date <3 and Love and Deepspace are apps that many turn to for a fictional romance and the ability to have a no-strings-attached digital romance, even if it’s just roleplay. While not typically leading to a long-term relationship, it may be easier for someone to find fulfillment in just fantasizing romance and/or sex with somebody who does not exist. The same goes for the surgence of “x Reader” fanfictions which function as the same type of media, just over literature.
No matter the form of media used or dating app downloaded to feel that spark with someone or something, the digital age has opened the door to new ways to find romantic and sexual fulfillment for all.
Pros and Cons of Online Dating
There are many cons of online dating that are mentioned when E-dating is brought up, but some pros are often overlooked for example:
-Online dating often allows people to meet, when they wouldn’t in everyday life
-There is a wide variety of people on dating sites so you have a good chance of finding someone that clicks with you
-It gives people a way of communicating
-On dating sites you can text the person to see if you have chemistry together, instead of awkward conversation in person
– Online dating can take less time by being able to see a small portion of what they’re like instead of having to hang out to find out
– Online dating can match your interests to the other person so you have things in common.
SHS senior Cole Moyer, who tried out long-distance dating within the last two years, shares his thoughts on some of the pros and cons associated with having to date mainly digitally.
As a pro, Moyer shares: “It definitely feels like there’s less of a weight [breaking up.] It still hurt, but it didn’t hurt me as much as I thought it would.”
As a con, Moyer shares: “It’s got such a mental tax on everyone involved, and not just the two in the relationship. Friends, family—there’s accommodations that need to be made by everyone in those social circles.”
The cons can be dangerous or just something simple like how you want a personal connection. Some cons are:
-There are many catfishes out there
-Creepy people
-It’s way too easy for people to lie
-People could be dangerous
-There are too many uncontrollable aspects that could get people hurt, or worse
Over 20% of the SHS student body would not date online because of fears of someone lying about who they are, or they believe people cannot connect without in person communication.
The Future of Digital Dating
The scene of digital dating only looks forward with it becoming easier and easier to find that special someone over the internet.
One change that’s come with time has been the multitude of dating apps now on the market, each with their own niche. Compared to the typical Tinder-style “swipe left, swipe right” system, many are doing it differently to appeal to different audiences and interests. The app Monet has users draw with prompts to find others, the app Vinylly has users share music taste to find others, and the app Karma, which uses astrology and Zodiac signs in determining compatibility.
Additionally, many people wonder what dating may look like with Artificial Intelligence (AI) and the ability of individuals to become entranced with fictional characters. While dating games offer the people who play them the option to roleplay with those they adore, many take it further and even look towards marriage. One such example is Rossana Ramos, a late-thirties mother from New York City, who turned to marriage with an AI chat bot, Eren, instead of traditional romantic commitment.
As AI only gets more efficient and realistic with its computing power and responses, this looks to get more common with time.
Though, as with most technological advancements, the rise of digital romance in the future will still create more risks for many. A major group which is at risk is children with unrestricted internet access.
The Child Crime Prevention and Safety Center estimates that around 500,000 predators exist online each day, and that 89% of modern sexual advances towards children are the result of the internet. Combined with the easier ability to send and receive child pornography and flirt with unconsenting minors, the future of online dating will undoubtedly provide new ways for predators to lurk and participate in illicit romantic and sexual activities.
Despite the new risks for children and unconsenting parties, though, the safety changes in digital communication in recent times has done its best to counteract malicious activity. It may be the requirement to verify age and identity on a game (such as the game Roblox requiring photo ID verification for access to 17+ language and experiences) or teams designed for cutting down on explicit content (with the use of new reporting and image-scanning technology).
The changes the future foresees for dating in a digital era have their ups and downs. No matter the type of hybrid, online or AI relationship, though, the trends only predict dating with some aspect of digitality to be the new norm. However, face-to-face dating still keeps its interest, with many still feeling it’s the best option, or it’s easier than opting for an online relationship.
“I feel like that’s the only thing that’s going to happen [is] online dating,” Sanabria Aponte said. “[Though], I’ve been trying to steer clear of those, because it’s just a lot of work to do.”
Conclusion
In the end, online dating can pay off, but it comes with RISK. It’s important to stay safe and be cautious with who you meet up with and where. Always have someone know where you are going with and who you plan to meet. Make sure they know when to expect you back, or can track your location. Meeting up in pairs does not really mitigate that risk, especially if you are two teen girls. Consider dating within area high school student bodies rather than dating broadly. It’s safer to date someone two years older than someone unknown. And just because your friend did it and was safe, doesn’t mean it will be the same for you. Be smart. Be and stay wary. Stay safe in the dating world!
