Love comes in all shapes and sizes. It is in your favorite comfy sweater and collection of mugs. It is in the hug your mom gives you and the shared lunch between classmates. It is in the look you exchange with a friend across the room. Love can be found in so many different places, but when most people hear the word they think of romantic love specifically: kissing, hugs, partners and marriage. None of these are bad things; however, they are only one small part of the whole.
Romantic love is different but not better than the other forms of love. Despite this, society tends to put it on a pedestal, showing off the “ideal” human experience as one filled with romantic gestures and lifelong devotion to just one person. This is harmful to everyone, but one community that is especially impacted is the aromantic community.
The word aromantic describes a person who feels little to no romantic attraction. This encompasses a wide range of experiences, from people who want a romantic-like relationship to people who are repulsed by the idea. The important thing to note is that this is not a sad life; it is simply a different way of living. Hardships can happen on both sides of the spectrum, whether you feel romantic attraction or not. However, the unfairness really comes into play when aromantic people are surrounded by a society that says that romantic love should be the goal, that it is the purest form of love. This ignores so many unique and beautiful experiences and shoves away the importance of platonic love among other forms.
Around 1% of the global population is aromantic, including myself. That’s about 80 million people. The perspective shown here is partially skewed because of this; however, it is still important to show these viewpoints nonetheless.
For me, my friends are the most important relationships I have. I love them fiercely and loudly through gifts, kind words, smiles and telling them “I love you.” To some, this may seem weird as the word love comes with romantic connotations. However, I do love them, so much that it fills my chest and makes it hard to breathe sometimes. Whether you call it romantic or platonic, it is love and one that matters just as much as any other. To devalue it would be to pointlessly ignore a great joy.
The harm of prioritizing romantic relationships over platonic ones impacts more than just aromantic people like me; it impacts everyone. Throughout life, so many people jump into romantic relationships when they shouldn’t because they feel they need it. This societal pressure is detrimental to the mental health and well-being of a huge population, especially high schoolers. To so many of us, high school is a time to date around and figure out who you want to be with. This is not inherently a bad thing; however, it can lead to rushed relationships and time taken away from other forms of love. Friendship during a tumultuous period, such as high school, can be instrumental in anchoring a person without the pressure to behave or show affection in a certain way. This is not meant to take away from the value of romantic partners, but to display the fundamental differences. Romantic and platonic relationships have different functions and should be treated as equals. Think differently about the language you use and how you talk about them. Don’t use “just friends”. There’s no “just” about it; it’s simply a different relationship.
Valentine’s Day is coming up, a holiday that traditionally celebrates romantic love. However, it is truly a celebration of all love. Parents give their children boxes of chocolate, a person gives their partner a bouquet of flowers, someone makes a card for their friend. It’s important that we take the time to appreciate all of the varied and beautiful relationships in our lives and tell the people we care about that we love them. I know that this Valentine’s Day, I will be giving gifts to my friends because they are some of the people who make me feel the most loved. What will you do? How will you prioritize not just romantic feelings, but platonic ones?
